if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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