i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
