did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
