I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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