I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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