i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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