I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
