dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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