I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
