He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
