And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
