I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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