you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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