I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want to fling myself into the sun
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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