We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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