Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
