if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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