I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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