she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
