We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
