Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
