My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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