"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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