I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
