everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
then he tried to convert me to islam
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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