i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
