Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
