their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
