He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
