Whod you bang
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Two words: blizzard sex
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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