I'm so fucking centered right now
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize