OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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