Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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