4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's get the cat blown out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
