tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
