Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's blow job season.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
