watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
