It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
