4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's like heaven, but drunker
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
