Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
