Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
