I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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