I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Randomize
