He uses pillows to masturbate.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
