Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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