this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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