Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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