Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
