I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
