she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
