You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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