yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
