Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
