I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
