billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
