you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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