He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
