My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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