see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
