super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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