Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
