his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
