Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
